this could be the "toughest days of my life "

going through the worst that could have happened to anyone in love,madly in love..

love ain't easy..it never was and never will be..in all these days , i have started not liking the marriage stuff again..it's a bad bad business...where you buy and sell people..Love is what doesn't matters at all while evrything else does matters..

career , family background,education and fair colour !!!!! welcome to INDIA ! i want to run away with him as there seems to be no other option available ..her mom hates me for her own imaginary reasons.but when i think about my child asking me why don't we go to our grandparent's home , it melts my heart..why should they be bereft of joys of being a grandchild cause their parents ran away,so, i have deicided to wait========== it might be get tougher..but i will wait for him..

i realized the bond i share with my mom is very very special..she is supporting me through thick and thin.it's the dad who is otherwise,worried for me that i won't get married ever if he isn't the one..and that seems to be true.if he is not the one , i will stay alone all my life

i have cried for nights.screamed alone..punched myself..i did everything a mad person is capable of doing..but all through the way, i have faith, faith that we 'll be together...

he is going back to U.S this weekend..we have plans to get settlled abroad now..if our parents don't care ,we might do the same but ofcourse in a better way..we are grown up enough to get married in court but we respect them and are willing to wait for their approval..we know you will agreee someday !

i hate myslf fr bng SELFISH tdy

Baby , i wish you knew how much it hurts that i am thinking about "me " more than " us" for the moment..The only reason being i can't afford to loose you,i won't mind being selfish or rude or unsympathetic as long as i would get you as a reward !

i have tried all means..i have waited much more than i thought i am capable of..i have stood strong with tears flowing down my cheeks..i have cried all nights and did not said a word to you..i could be a bad one but i really can't think about your career at the moment.As i feel you too don't want any success without me..priority should be we being together and you said yourself..you don't want success at the cost of loosing me !

i am sorry bacha ,please forgive me for being like that ..i told you a big "NO" for staying there for a month more..even if its just 2 weeks you are coming here...do come , i need you to be with me..

a friend ...so called friend of mine told me yesterday that she feels angel himself doesn't wants to marry me.For one moment, i trusted her ,being family friends with angel and i immediately told her , " really , that's what you have been thinking all the while...i told her i trust him completely and he wants to marry only me and who could know better " all she did was went offline or logged out as she did not had the power to say anything beyond and it was a small victory for me..

it's Angel who taught me how to judge people..i would share that trick..ask random questions to people something they don't expect from you..most of them can't tell lies all of a sudden and you might be lucky to see their real dirty face ;)

i have learned from him how to insult people or humiliate them being quiet or if not works being very polite..you can kick their asses being quiet..TRY THIS !

Angel read my blog and asked me to avoid the word "f...k" so i am abandoning this word today..Goodbye :)

 I am believing ......

feeling numb..

That one feeling that makes you feel "lifeless".feeling numb,as if i can't breathe anymore,as if i can't move,as if i can see everyone around but can't touch them,a feeling wandering souls might have felt.

he was coming back home after two days.a good news for him and "neither good nor bad" news for me- he got his work permit papers today and that would require him to stay for some more time there or he would not be able to apply for visa for next five years.what feeling is sinking inside me is i am the reason he is always stuck between two things.i am the one coming in between him and his dreams as i have my own dreams of getting married to him.i am too weak to keep asking my parents to wait for the right time.i was crying whole day today,one thing after the other seemed to crash me inside every time.


mom saw me crying on phone and she was very upset.I understand her worries but if angel makes me cry ,its only him who can makes me happiest too.the issues are widening between us.i can't imagine my life without him and i feel stuck between him and my parents.it's all the matter of just one "yes" from his mom.I don't really know what all i am talking about...what is actually bothering me.how am i gonna come out of all this.he said something that would pinch me for days.he said ," all i want is to see him once,even though after that he stays alive or not "


all i want is him.to be with him.to love him all my life.to stand by him always.


but beneath all my fears and insecurities , i hear a voice from inside that says -

so , as always...i am ending the post on a positive note ,that things shall fall in place..


after all the fights and rudeness i showed to him..i said " i love you and i respect you and i would accept every decision you take " as sometimes people don't really need advise they just need an ear to listen,a hand to hold and a heart to understand..My Love, i am always there for you..even at the cost of my life....i shall stay there forever !

love is a journey..

Just read an article that says..love is a journey,it has stages -

1- Romance -  We all know this one. You fall in love. The world looks beautiful, your partner perfect and bliss is an everyday occurrence. 


2- Commitment - A pledge is made. This can be to get married; to live together; or simply to be an exclusive monogamous couple, or even just to date


3- Crisis: Here something happens that upsets the happily-ever-after applecart.  “The personality is disillusioned and now the work of the soul truly begins.”


4-Ordeal: This is the proverbial power struggle. And it can go on for weeks, months or years.ere, issues keep coming to the surface (usually based on emotional childhood wounding) that never really get resolved. The same fights keep happening. Then you kiss and make up, but on the surface only. Underneath, resentment brews. This ordeal is a journey of intense emotional growth.


5-Chaos: This is the black hole, the dark night, the bottom. All is lost, and you are lost. You feel out of control. Chaos is announced by one of the following behaviors: an affair, fights that don’t end, boredom—or the awareness that you have grown apart and there is no longer a common ground.


6- Surrender: Here, we can awaken. This stage holds the profound promise of something different.


7- Transformation -At this juncture, you have grown a new you—you can never go back. Self esteem and self-love have landed. You might choose to grow the relationship to a new level, or simply move on because you know that the relationship will not grow you further. Transformation is a stage where you have nothing left to lose.




Whats making me feel better is i have kind of reach the "ordeal" stage,we all want to keep hanging in at the first stage of romance but things should grown on..love is a responsibility too..its all about growing up together:) and re creating those moments of love of silly teenage love whenever you get tired off growing up..


Love is supreme power..it sets you free...it makes you stronger and finally transforms you into a person who is complete.

where is the excitement gone !!!

i am becoming a kind of " useless and unaffected person " ..hate this part of me..he is coming back in 4 days and i am not very excited.Unlike last time he was here at Diwali..i had a series of posts for surprises i was planning..a surprise party ,gifts and so much excitement to do everything possible for him

may be this time ,i am more sacred of what would happen next..the excitement of meeting him after so long sems to have taken a back seat infront of what would happen next...i reallllly realllllly want to get married now !! i am tired of fucking loosers who bitch about my relationship....of all the lies i need to tell mom cause i have to meet him...to keeo texting and calling him to feel him around..i want to be with him..start living with him..i am so fucking tired of people..and everyone around

tired of looking at happy couples..and people getting married..flying off for their honeymoons..Am i that bad God ! why is my struggle not ending yet ? how long do i need to wait...wait for things to happen...keep telling myself..everything shall be fine !!!

everyone says..hav faith and your wish shall be done...so why ? is this the reward for all the faith i have ever bestowed on you GOD !

ok..i need to calm myself done...i tell myself everythig is perfect 10 times a day ...and he is one such person who can think and brood over one thing for days without sharing with anyone..its so annoying..when you are trying hard to talk to someone and all they say is hmmmmm Capricorn man are like that..you need to keep lots of patience to understand them..they would think a hundred times before letting someone see their deep dark secrets..they are a gem too..you can be sure of thier loyalty even if they are surrounded by best women all the time ..once they amke a commitment they stick to it like a glue..

so..yeah..there are a million fears that are stopping me to get on to the loving and romantic side of me

gals need shopping lyk one needs oxygen :P

Shopping is one of the best things created by man ;) It makes you feel happier instantly.I wanna  re invent my wardrobe..these days Indian dresses are a big turn on to me..i keep looking at girls wearing kurtas n patialas..they make one looks so graceful !


any suggestions to shop from where at delhi !

This is how I feel once i have filled me bed with all the new clothes i just shopped ;)

Heels make you look sexier,no matter what crap you are wearing..a simple jeans and tee and nude heels makesyou look FAB ! :D Wanting to buy these nude sandals since long..will get them sooon..sooner

Mom
says I carry my entire room in my bag ! lol..I like keeping it full and jammed..There is always more in my bag than in my cupboard and i often need to keep my bag right next to em before getting ready ! :p 

In love with this dress..its so dammmm sexxxyyyyyy ! but might be i need to loose 3-4 kilos to get inside one :) working on it...inshah allah 

dreams that are so real..

Like every other couple , we too dream a lot about days to come..things that would happen when we will be together.i have a million such dreams in my eyes and when i wake up with those dreams,the entire world seems to be dancing for my happiness :) it happens, love has that power which can make the whole universe work for you..

I have dreams of walking with him all my life..together forever.Differences might come and go but one thing that should remain constant is desire to be together,no matter where life takes us..we promise to be together till life ends..even after that..could sound stupid but i feel i have known him since ages..There could be no other guy ever in my life who could so much to me..we rarely meet such people who make us feel alive within..my soul sings melodies when i am with him..we can sit silent for hours and yet feel great ! we don't need words to feel each other and let the eyes say it all


dReamS of getting married to him in every custom the world has yet known..I sometimes feel i should get married to him every year in a different way ;) white gowns at church are a fantasy to me..i dream of each day and sure am gonna make them a reality

I do remember clearly the first time he kissed me , i can somehow divide the kisses too as kiss on forehead first time , kiss on hands second time, kiss on cheeks and kiss on neck and finally the real kiss what we call a smooch :) It was me who asked him to kiss me on lips..he had always desired but was shy to ask for..and it was the longest and most pleasant of all..i can still feel goosebumps for that kiss

 I have a strong dislike for the couples who fall out of love once they become parents..I want to romance infornt of my kids too..after all my kids should know too how madly in love their mom dad are ;) i want to be in love like the pic above :)

And finally i want to be a happy old couple together who people look up to and say they were truly in love with each other and crooks feels jealous of the fire we still feel for each other :) He had be a lazy bum i know well..who would sit on his chair with newspaper on and ask me for a cup of tea and i would go and wrap him in my arms and say the rpice for a cup of tea is 100 kisses ;) :)

Happy Mother's Day :)

Happy Mother's Day !

It's a full time job, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Moms are unbelievable. Happy Mothers day to all moms out there :)

A mom is someone who always listens to our unsaid words ,she knows our pain much before we realise it.We can never thank our moms enough :) They are at times punchbag for us..where we let out all the pain and hatred..they work us for all day without complaining.

I am celebrating this day - going shopping with mom,making her have all that she wants..A mom is someone i dream of being each day.. relationship in my life i have been waiting for since i was a kid myself ;) I want to have a daughter like me and son like him :) And I'll be a better mom than a wife, i personally feel :p :)

Go out and make your moms feel special..They are more than what we deserved to have :)

gussa n pyaar go one aftr d odr ;)

Itz been almost a week today , Angel is behaving supaaaaweird !! We talk like a boring couple these days , the same regular stuff , khana khaya..i love you..aur btao..i love you too

he is disturbed about a lot of things...he needs me badly..actually , we both need each other so much right now And its a matter of 15 more days , we'll meet and share those lovely moments again

but right now..i am like ewwwwww kya karun and kya nahi karun ! I thought of switching off my phone and not talking to him for days..something that can happen only in ma dreams.i can't stay a day without him..

so,. one moment i burst out on him..what the hell is wrong with you and few hours later i am like baby , i am sorry :(

Guys want to be alone when they are low and upset and sad and worried and whatever..but they should realize girls get all the more worried that they are not sharing :(

I know he will be fine soon , he too can't stay in darkness for long , just like me..One thing i love about us is we are very much alike..so its easier understanding each other but the sameness also means we have same negative sides..we both are prone to negativity and stuff...we worry a lot , both of us and that time we need to forget all the pain and pinches and hug each other and let the one know that we are there for each other and touchwood , we do that :)

physical connectivity somehow is important..you need to feel close physically too..be it holding hands , hugging or just a warm touch..we miss that and that's what makes our fights a li'l tougher than normal couples..

Its been so long we lie down together and looked into each other's eyes...been so long that I have not felt your touch and smelled that fragrance of yours..

soon...so this is how our relationship is going at the moment..after 2.5 years of being together,,,pyar n gussa together on the same track...:) but loving every moment of it :)

love is a crazy thng

this took me a million thoughts to share or not to share..but i have too..

is it fair enough to feel good if some guy is interested in you when u already r in a fulfiling relationship  ?

there is this guy who says he is gone crazy about my eyes..not a day when he ds nt tells me that i got beautiful eyes ..although , its just that despite being avoiding him or running away from him , i am kind of enjoying the attention i get :p

he knows about angel , he knows we'll be married soon..he feels hurt  but i can't help it either.I cherish the fun filled moments we spend together as a crazy friend he is


i don't want to be the one who aches his heart..what should be done ?

I believe May is going to be Merrier :) I believe my Dreams are very close to reality :) I have blindfaith on God that he is always working for my Happiness :) I believe I attract love ,happiness,peace and contentment by the way of giving it out :) Amen

exam fever :p

Have an exam tomorow yet I am hopelessly surfing internet for no good reason..waitin for his call :p sometimes , i feel i can't start my day without talking to him..i am telling myself i will start studying once i am done talking to him..aaahhhh...love sick

although , sometimes , whatever...i feel this is not how the things should be..

but ...i am happy the way i do things for him..the way i wait for for his calls ...the way i talk stupid ,silly things to see him smile...the way i blush when he compliments me..

he called..bbyeeee :)